Lately I’ve been feeling so incredibly overwhelmed with so many things. I’ve always been the person to try to do everything and be superman. I always do everything I can to keep myself busy and out of my house. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’ve taken on way to much and all I want to do is sit in my room and watch Gossip Girl and sleep for days. I’ve been so close to just simply crying because I have so much to do and I don’t know where to start or what needs to be done first. I know people say you’re supposed to be working all the time when you’re young because you won’t be able to when you’re old but I just want to get on a plane and travel and take pretty pictures and not have to worry about things. I want to get lost in a place I’ve never been before, and find the peaceful beautiful places of the world that not many know about.
Sometimes I just have to take a trip out to the farm, sit and think a bit and just let out a scream at the top of my lungs. Take a deep breath, or three and shake it all off. Occasionally followed by a cry.
A friend of mine is incredibly good at helping me calm down. Every time I’m panicking, all she has to do is remind me that everything is temporary and I’ll get through it. Make lists and start at what needs to be done first and move on from there. It’s a wonderful feeling to know that there’s that one person out there that can say like two words and your instantly calm and you know that you will be okay in the end and that it just takes time to get there.
Within the last couple weeks I’ve had like three different epiphanies. I want to do so much in life and I just don’t think I’ll have the time or patience. And in order to do all of it, there’s another like 5 years of schooling entail. I hate college. So this might be a problem.
I hate living at my parent’s house, but I want to be able to travel the world and see things. My mother is the type of person who likes to go places, but stays close to home while my dad just doesn’t care to leave Madison while my brother only likes to go places where he can fish. So I’m not really sure where I get this wanderlust gene. So I guess at this point, I rather live at my parents for free, come and go as I please and not have any privacy but be able to see the world.
I want my own studio. I want a cute little place on a main street of a smaller town that still has the big city feel, but a place where I can learn my clients names and say hello as I walk down the streets. I want all glass windows in the front so I can see the sunshine or watch the thunderstorms in awe. I want to not only take beautiful photos; I want them to line the walls of my studio, with rustic accents and sunflowers. I want to be able to photograph my clients important parts of their lives, and the not so important parts.
I want to have my own like stationary business. I’ve recently fallen in love with the idea of letterpress and watercolor. I want to be able to give joy to someone when they open their snail mail – even though it’s a dying art. Again, this is gonna require more schooling. But if I enjoy doing it, does it really matter?
I don’t know why all of a sudden this has come on in a giant wave but I guess at some point in time you realize what you really want to do in life. I guess I’m to the point where I just have to grab the bull by the horns and see where it takes me.